Dude, Go For the Dream. It's Not Selfish At All.

Do you have a creative dream languishing in a corner with the dust bunnies? Or maybe tucked carefully away into a drawer with some dried lavender and rose petals? Maybe you even take it out every now and then, brush it off, look at it wistfully and then let it drop back out of sight.

You are so not alone! Creative people all over the planet are stuck in the same place.

There are a million and one reasons why we don't go after our dreams. Fear, self doubt, negative self talk, and a host of others. The one that is on my mind today involves a message a lot of us were handed as kids and are still listening to today.

Selfishness.

We believe that carving out the time to write or paint or pursue photography or practice music or be in a dramatic production or whatever is an act of selfishness. Engaging freely in creativity feels too good. In our subconscious minds we believe that life is supposed to be about sacrifice and burdens. We say things like,

"Oh, I can't possibly do that now. I have responsibilities and obligations. Maybe when the kids are grown up. Maybe when I retire. Maybe when the grandkids are grown up. Oops - maybe in the next life..."

I heard a guy talking awhile back about a big dream. He wanted to do a thing that involved writing and traveling. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He talked about his son, who is living a creative life, and he kept saying, "I just feel that he's so selfish."

And inside I was screaming at him, "DUDE! Go for the dream. It's not selfish at all!!"

Of course, since I was eavesdropping on this conversation, I didn't say anything. But I went home and wrote this down in my reminder journal (a special journal where I keep little nuggets like this that remind me about what's important and that give me inspiration.)

If you have a persistent creative dream, then that is part of your reason for being here in the world. Pursuing it doesn't make you a selfish human being, it makes you a fulfilled, self-actualizing one. It makes you a better person. A full, living, breathing, contributing person.

Imagine that a loved one prepares a meal specifically for you. They've made all of your favorite foods and invited some of your favorite people. Maybe it's your birthday, or maybe it's just for no particular reason other than that they love you.

You sit down at all of those delicious, mouthwatering foods. You fold your hands together, sigh regretfully, and say, "Oh, I can't possibly eat any of this. I feel so selfish."

We are like that when we deprive ourselves of time with our creative dreams.

In fact, when we engage with and pursue our creative dreams, we feed the souls of others. How often have you been nourished, healed, maybe even saved by a well timed book, piece of artwork, or song? Think about that for a minute.

If you have a creative calling, large or small, you get to be a part of that. A part of making the world a better place. How is that possibly selfish?

If you've been cutting yourself off from the dream for awhile it might feel far away. Maybe it seems small and dried up and you think it's too late. It's not.

It's never too late to go after a creative dream. My grandfather started taking piano lessons in his eighties. He wanted to learn before he got too old.

But if the dream seems unreachable and far away right now, ask yourself this question:

What is one tiny little step I could take today?

It might be just buying a notebook to write in. A five minute internet search to look for a class or a teacher in your area. Browsing the art supplies in the Wal-mart aisle and feasting your eyes on colors and textures. Or even email me and ask about coaching, if you'd like a companion and guide for your creative journey.

Whatever you do, see if you can take one tiny step forward. And I'd love it if you'd share with me. It lights me up to see people reuniting with their creativity.

Don't Wait 'til You're Dead - Digging up a Creative Dream

Sometimes a creative dream involves digging into the past

Creative dreams come in all shapes and sizes

I'm excited to have a guest again this week for Don't Wait 'til You're Dead, my series about going after your dreams. Last time I featured my writer friend Susan Spann, who is currently on a quest to scale 100 sacred peaks in Japan. Last week she literally reached the pinnacle of her dream by arriving at the top of Mt Fuji - at sunrise! 

But not all dreams involve closing a law practice, selling your house, and moving to Japan. Dreams come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and all of them want to be lived. This week I talked to Julie Martin, a poet and teacher who has always dreamed of going on a dinosaur dig. A couple of weeks ago she made this dream come true and I've invited her to talk to us about that. 

My hope is that her story will inspire you to go after a dream of your own - or give you the courage to keep going if you've run into some difficult terrain.

“On the second day of my dig I worked next to a dear woman who was probably in her 80s.(I didn’t think it would be polite to ask her age!) She has been coming on digs for seven years. Having a knee replacement didn’t stop her - she just kneels on her good knee. She said, ‘I realized I’d rather be outside than inside doing housework. I can’t get any of my friends or family to join me, but being out here, digging for fossils … I couldn’t be happier if I won the lottery!’”

Hi Julie! Thanks so much for being part of Don't Wait 'til You're Dead! Can you tell us a little about this amazing dream of yours? When did you start dreaming and how long did it take for you to start doing the thing?

 Some of my earliest childhood memories are of digging.

There was no lawn yet when my parents bought their house in a new subdivision and my brother and I dug all over our double lot until my parents confined us to one area in the backyard. We worked diligently trying to reach the earth’s core. We dug systems of tunnels that connected and spiraled in all directions and were amazed to find one day a salamander had taken up occupancy in our tunnel system. We immersed ourselves entirely in the soil registering nuances of temperature, texture and color: hot and sandy on the top layer, cool and deep brown humus as we reached deeper levels.

I've always been intrigued by the secrets contained in soil and rocks. filled with a sense of awe, wondering what was here before me. As an adult I still love to play in the dirt. There was a wild space near Saint Paul that was the exposed remains of an Ordovician Sea. I used to love going there and collecting fossils. My favorites were tiny columnar segments of ancient sea lilies - crinoid rings. They look like cheerios. I wear one on a string around my neck. This area has been closed for years because of dangerous mudslides. I began searching for other places where I could find fossils.

I stumbled across NDGS (North Dakota Geological Society). They have digs that are open to the public. The deadline had already passed for that year, but I marked the registration deadline on my calendar for 2018, then I forgot about it for awhile.

 What obstacles were in your way?

I suppose all the usual obstacles that people face: time, money, family support, and my own mindset. Raising two boys, my focus for the past 18 years has been caring for them and balancing family life with a busy, demanding job as an inner city teacher. Add into this equation  my husband and I had aging parents on opposite sides of the country. They could no longer travel, so our travel budget and time was devoted to trips to Colorado,New Jersey, and New York. Trying to cope with all of this made it difficult to believe there were any dreams that I could pursue.

Most people have a dream, look at the obstacles, and never get past them. What is your secret for moving past all of the things in the way to where you are now?

I've kept a notebook since I was about 12 years old. In these notebooks I explore my own thoughts, wishes and observations. I have been working on some poems about the fossils I've found, trying to understand why they are tugging at the edge of my attention.

The impetus that urged me to take action can be attributed to hanging out in the Dream Weavers’ Attic. Kerry, you led us through a guided visualization where we were imagining doing something that we loved. I was having an outrageous fantasy of doing some kind of conservation work with orangutans- working hard and getting filthy, then going to an eco friendly spa and getting all clean again. I think the next question you asked was “what is a small step you could take to move in the direction of this fantasy?”

I remembered that I had written information in my notebook about public fossil digs in North Dakota. While it wasn't exactly the way my fantasy went, it connected to the same deep desire. Exploring that fantasy and what was within my power helped me to make a plan and to take steps. Putting the date on my calendar, writing down the action plan to call, gave me the persistence and tenacity to call over 100 times until I got through to reserve a spot to participate on a dig.

Calling over 100 times is impressive tenacity!! Any particular mantra, motto or affirmation that you can share with us?

Not a mantra, but a talisman of sorts.  I wear a fossil, a crinoid ring, on a string around my neck. I also have a favorite rock that I often keep in my pocket and tuck under my pillow at night.  I know it’s strange, but I find solace in these pieces of the earth. I wrote a poem about this particular rock - the elements have worn a hole through it and I learned that ancient people called rocks like these ‘hagstones’ and believed they had power to protect, heal, and gave the person holding it the ability to peer through the hole into other realms.  While I can’t report that I have acquired supernatural powers, I find my rock and fossils to be good company, and a way to keep my questions and dreams at my fingertips.

What about YOUR creative dreams?

I know you have at least one. We all do. For some of us the dream is deeply buried. Others of us have been dream chasers for as long as we can remember. If you don't think you have a dream, take a minute to remember being a child. What did you love back then? What inspired you? What did you want to be when you grew up? Maybe you can't be an astronaut or a ballerina, if those were on your dream landscape back then, but maybe there's a part of that dream you can still pursue, like taking dancing lessons or taking a flying lesson. You're never too old to go after a dream.

An Effortless Boost to Creative Wellness

I don't know about you, but every now and then I get overwhelmed. I push myself to do all of the responsible things. I get up ridiculously early so I have time to write, and then I go work all day at a day job. When I come home there are chores. Sometimes, even all of the things I love to do start to look flat and stale and monotonous.

Do you know that moment when a project you were SO EXCITED about lies on its back like a dead bug with its poor little legs all curled in? Maybe you poke at it to see if there might be some juice left somewhere but it seems pretty hopeless so you go pour a drink and watch TV reruns...

Or maybe you've just spend way too many hours paying attention to the news and it's looking like the entire world is headed for imminent disaster and you find yourself in despair over the state of the nation...

Or you've written and re-written your poor little novel so often you don't know even remember which story lines still exist on paper and which are still in your head...

Or you've released a creative project out into the world and the critics and trolls are treating it like coyotes at a deer kill..

Or maybe you are juggling so many balls that the energy of keeping them all going has gotten to be more than you can handle and you catch yourself thinking that if you got sick maybe you could finally catch a break...

One of the very best tools to refresh your creativity, restore your enthusiasm, and bring you back to your balanced self is - PLAY. And how awesome is that? It's not every day that the prescription for what ails us is to take a break and do something fun. If doesn't have to be a whole day (although that would be awesome) Five minutes away from the hard stuff to play can be amazingly refreshing. Scribble with crayons. Smoosh some Play Doh around. Get yourself some stickers and put them on things just for fun. Play with a four year old. Make a mud pie. Run through a sprinkler. If you forget how - and this happens - watch a child. They are experts at this stuff!

And speaking of children as experts, check out this awesome video from a true expert on play.

Don't Wait Until You're Dead... Susan Spann and the One Hundred Summits

Do you have one of those life dreams that you never seem to get around to? You tell yourself you'll do it later. Someday. When you have more time, more money, more skill. After the kids are grown up. After you find a different job. After you retire. After...

Well, we all know what comes after. 

Which is why I'm launching a regular monthly series of interviews featuring people who are living their dreams now. I hope their stories will inspire more dreamers to take the first step toward doing the thing, whatever that might be.

 Today I'm thrilled to share a story with you about my friend Susan Spann, a woman who refused to let life--or death, for that matter--get in the way of her incredible dream. Instead of telling you the story from my perspective, I'm going to let Susan tell you herself in this little interview.

Me: Susan, thanks so much for sharing your story. Can you tell us a little bit about this amazing dream of yours? When did you start dreaming, and how long did it take for you to start doing the thing?

Susan: In autumn of 2016, I spent almost a month in Japan researching my Hiro Hattori mysteries. My research took me into the Japan Alps and up several mountains. Physically, I returned to the United States that November, but my heart remained in Japan.

After twenty years as a lawyer, I was tired of living “safe” and doing “the expected” instead of following my heart and my dreams. I’ve loved mountaineering books all my life, but always felt that those adventures were something that happened in other people’s lives. In 2017, after I returned from Japan, I made the decision to give my dreams a chance. My husband and I sold our house and prepared to move to Japan so I could attempt to climb the Nihon Hyakumeizan (100 Famous Mountains of Japan) in a single year.

Me: Okay, so this in itself is amazing. I watched you do these things in a state of awe, wondering how you found the courage to make such a huge change. But life decided to throw a little more at you. Tell us about the other obstacles that got in your way.

Susan: In November 2017, about two months after we decided to move to Japan—and the day after I signed a publishing contract to write a book about my hyakumeizan climbs (currently titled 100 SUMMITS, and due for publication by Prometheus Books in spring 2020) I was diagnosed with highly aggressive breast cancer. I had to delay my departure for Japan to undergo a double mastectomy and three months of intensive chemotherapy—but I continued my mountain training even in chemo, and five days after my final tests confirmed the cancer was gone, we flew to Japan.

My oncologist described the cancer as “summit number 101” - and getting through cancer treatment was a lot like climbing a difficult mountain, in many ways. You have to take it one step at a time, and endure the pain. Fortunately, we caught my cancer early enough that I could still pursue my dream.

Me: Most people have a dream, look at the obstacles, and never get past them. And yours were as big as - well - a mountain. What is your secret for moving past everything in your way to get to where you are now?

Susan: Climbing a hundred mountains seems impossible. Fortunately, I don’t have to climb them all at once—and one mountain, maybe, I can do. I try to see life's obstacles as problems to solve one step at a time. If the goal is long-term, I start from the end and work backward until I’ve broken the problem into reasonable steps—things I can achieve—and then I start with the first one. Some obstacles are outside my control, and those I have to leave to faith. But the things that lie within my control, I break down into little bits and tackle them in order.

Me: I love the small step thing. I always work on that with my coaching clients (and with my own creative projects when I start getting fearful or overwhelmed.) Sometimes that first step is tiny, as tiny as just sending an email or opening a document on your computer or buying a set of paints. Do you have any particular motto, mantra, or affirmation you adhere to that you would like to share?

Susan: Never give up, never surrender. (Thanks, Galaxy Quest!) Also: fear is a liar. Never let it keep you from your dreams.

You need to know Susan, as you've probably figured out. And you're in luck, because I have all of her social media links where you can follow her adventure. AND I have links to her books so you can buy them and read them (they are awesome.)

Website: www.susanspann.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/susanspannbooks and www.facebook.com/susanspannauthor

Twitter: @susanspann

Instagram: @susanspann.author

And here's a link to Susan's Amazon author page, although you can find her books at other bookstores if you prefer.

Abundance vs scarcity - a mindset adjustment

I'm writing this with a fat cat purring in my lap and doing her best to keep me from typing, and mosquitoes feasting on my feet, because for some reason their favorite hangout joint in the house is in my writing loft. Swatting at mosquitoes with a cat in your lap and a coffee mug in one hand is a dangerous proposition, not for the faint of heart.

But here's the thing. I have a cat. I have coffee (thank all of the mercies). I have a laptop. I have a writing desk. I even have working internet this morning. And you are reading what I'm writing. Which is an abundance of awesomely good things to have before five o'clock in the morning.

In a different mindset, I could say this instead: I didn't sleep particularly well and there are freaking mosquito bites all over my feet. This damned cat will not lie down and let me work. I'm tired. This coffee mug is too small. I wish I had more visitors to my website. Did I mention the mosquitoes?

See the difference? The first version of my morning, the one I adhere to, makes me feel inspired and motivated. If I go into my day that way, I'm going to run into opportunities. If a fun little synchronicity of connection or possibility floats across my path, I'm likely to notice it and pay attention. I'll meet people who inspire me. I'll be brave enough to do something I'm scared to do. I'll create things.

If I live by the reality I create with the negative version of my morning, I'm going to go out into this day shut down and grumpy. I'm going to ask myself why I bother to do what I do, anyway. I'm going to tell myself that everything is hard and nobody loves me. I'll feel picked on and shut out. The people I meet are going to be nasty and bitter and I'll totally miss all of the little opportunities and synchronicities that might flit by because I won't believe in them.

Does this make sense to you? The idea is that when we focus on what we already have, approaching life with the idea that we have plenty and there is plenty out there, we are going to be happier, more productive, and grow what we've already planted. 

If, on the other hand, we approach life from the scarcity view point, then we're always and forever striving, straining, scraping the bottom of the barrel and coming up empty. 

Maybe you've heard about the whole "Cocky" nonsense in the publishing world right now. The short of it is that an author has trademarked the word "cocky" because it exists in all of the titles of her romance series. She has notified other authors who have books with this word in the title, that they must now all take down their books because she has the sole legal rights to this word.

Her behavior is an extreme example of scarcity, growing out of a belief that there are not enough readers to go around. What if she were to embrace collaboration instead? What if she approached all of those other authors and said, "Hey! We all have the word cocky in our titles. I wonder if there's some group marketing we could do that would help all of us?"

So here's the challenge.

1. Find a place in your life where you're feeling that you don't have enough. For me, this week, it's time. 
2. Ask yourself where  in your life this already exists. I'll be framing this question as, "Where do I already have enough time?"
3. Bring yourself over and over back to a sense of blessing and abundance for whatever bit you already have. For example, if you're lacking a partner, you might look at who is already in your life that loves you. If you need a job, you can focus on the skills you have, or that you have a resume ready, or jobs you've had in the past.

If you engage in the challenge, I'd love to hear how it goes for you!